Tits and arse and everything nice

I came across the following article the other day while trolling Facebook and it instantly infuriated me: body-language-from-a-trans-perspective

My first reaction was essentially no this is misogynistic bullshit and you should be loud and take up space and make noise. 

But then I got to thinking about how actually perhaps it just might impact on someone passing - at least in the sense of not drawing notice, and I think it is a totally valid thing to want to go unnoticed as a trans person. And then I reflected on my own journey and how I used to study this kind of stuff. Things like the way women talk in a 'sing song', how you walk, arm carrying angle that kind of stuff. But at some point I stopped bothering about it and got on with my life.

It was then it dawned on me that in the end this kind of thing had very little real relevance to me in expressing my own gender. But I think this is mostly because this kind of thing is not as relevant to the society I live in. Absolutely there is gendered behaviour in my country and there are some extreme pockets, but it is far less pronounced than in the States. Even linguistically our use of English by men and women is much less gendered than American English. 

I was once skyping with a friend who lives in the states, when at one point I had a quick conversation over my shoulder to my flat mate. I turned back and my friend commented that they heard me talking like a guy. But actually what I think they heard was me talking as someone in the English of my own country, with it's less pronounced gender difference in tone, modulation, word choice etc...

So it all got me thinking about how when I go on-line, the resources for transitioning English speaking trans women is pretty overwhelmingly American. And I think it infects the thinking of other English speaking trans women. We end up worrying about things they don't actually need to worry so much about in the context of their own country. In fact I think it would be counter productive to subscribe to things such as what was described in the above article. Do all that stuff in the place where I am from and you will stick out like a red flag that says "look at me I'm acting unnatural!!!" 

Even so the article still infuriates me because it is still all based on such a misogynistic way of thinking. It's like we are socialised as men to see women a certain way, and so when we become women we assume we have to fit that image to be accepted, to feel totally woman, to be woman. It is like we buy into that shit harder than anyone else and attempt to socialise each other extensively in this behaviour. And then there are smug validity brownie points if you can interject that it all came 'natural' to you (I've done it in the past) which impacts on feelings of validity for other trans people who don't feel it came as 'naturally' (and I've also kind of done it above with a superior "I stopped bothering about it and got on with my life").

I don't want to get going about the idea this stuff comes 'natural' right now. But perhaps next time.

Transsexual vaginas and certain feminists

So I read this article. What makes a woman?

This post is loosely in answer to this. 

I’m not particularly well-read in this area of feminist thinking – Though I don't make a point of reading misguided hate, I do know that there is a branch of feminist thinkers who are most offended by the existence of trans women, and trans women claiming 'women-hood' and speaking for women. 

The article above has some interesting points. Something I would agree to is that some trans woman behave badly, naively and sometimes with a powerful misguided sense of entitlement (I include myself in that camp as a trans type person raised as a male). Personally I think it is perfectly reasonable that if a trans woman is raised as a guy, in a patriarchal society which feeds men a particular view of what it means to be a woman, which gives them a sense of an entitlement they are not even aware of, then obviously this will carry that through into the behaviour of many trans women on account of their upbringing. It is also true that we don’t share some of the same experiences as some of the cis population of women.

It was interesting how nail polish was called out in the article. My view is that nail polish is just something which represents a freedom never before had. It brings a sense of relief. I'm not sure most people can’t really understand. It feels like a profound yet simple pleasure. No it does not make you a woman. But it can feel fucking good. 

In many ways this sense of freedom from such trappings is so euphoric that it can easily eclipse pretty much anything else. Yes we grew up not fearing for our safety in quite the same way as cis women walking down a dark street. But damn we learn to feel it. We also learn about sexism in the workplace. We learn about not making the same amount of money for the same job. We learn what it is like to be on the fat end of objectification. But this process does not happen overnight. 

Something that often seems to get swept under the carpet is that yes while Trans women don’t come with the same background and socialisation as most cis-women, neither do all cis women share the same background and experiences as each other. For example, is a woman raised in New Zealand less of a women than a white woman from America because they have not suffered the same level of gender inequality? Is a woman who was raped, more of a woman because they have been a direct victim? Is a black American woman more of a woman than a white American one because they have suffered more discrimination? If the answer is no and you accept that a woman is more than just a vulva and tits then how can a trans woman be less of a woman? What does it actually mean to live your whole life "as a woman"?

There is also no mention of trans women who have lived very little of  their lives as 'boys' and never really had a ‘male’ upbringing among others. Again we all come with different sets of experiences.  Which one is most valid? How can you talk for women when you don’t represent all female experience including trans women experiences?

The truth is I am actually pretty pissed at some trans voices too. The most vocal of us seem to be the ones with the greatest sense of entitlement, the most self-righteous, the ones who have most brought into the gender binary, and perhaps raise the most ire from this particular 'feminist'.  I still think these loud voices are important, but I can’t quite articulate just how yet.

Here are some thought to leave you with. I've heard dismay and hate for Caitlyn Jenner from both feminists and trans folk. The only thing you all seem to agree on is you all hate her.  But isn't she just a product of American culture? Consider too that just maybe she is just so relieved to be able to wear nail polish or ‘traditionally American female things’ and be celebrated for it and that just in this moment perhaps she does not really give a fuck about feminism, or equality, or the implications of her politics? I don’t think she owes me anything.  How relevant is she to the majority of us living in other countries anyway?

Wells Fargo Commercial: Learning Sign Language

This is just gorgeous.

Trapped between bathrooms

I’m very privileged in that I have been able pass through male and female bathrooms before and after transition without anybody knowing I am trans. I've also also had the pleasure of being in them without passing either way. Bathrooms are a bit of a gnarley issue for many visibly non-heteronormative people. There is a lot of hysteria around people using the 'wrong' public bathroom. The places are loaded with fear. 

Internally it was not easy changing. There is a lot of fear for yourself. You fear being ‘discovered’. You have to get over the social conditioning that says ‘boys can’t use female bathrooms’. But once you start changing it very quickly it becomes uncomfortable to stay where you are. Once you cross the divide it is as if the barriers go back up behind you and if you are not brave enough or don't feel safe enough to use the other bathrooms you can easily end up being trapped in between.

Going to the toilet is in many ways us at our most vulnerable – literally being caught with your pants down. We are exposing parts of ourselves in the near vicinity of others that we otherwise would not expose. Our waste is something we don’t usually share (unless you are one of those people who are like “look what I did!!!!!” and take a photo of it and post it online). 

Perhaps we also fear that deep down we are all the same. Needing to go is a reminder that despite all our culture, technological advancements we are all just biological organisms who produce waste. None of us are above it (except in the physical sense). 

Then there is a fear of being spied upon without your consent. But depending on what bathroom you visit I think we are looking at different phenomena. I've observed that male bathrooms generally tend to be extremely homophobic spaces, while women's bathrooms are more heterophobic (I have not felt any homophobia in women's bathrooms). 

In either case if you are being spied upon it is likely to be by a man (yes I know 'not all men' but it is a pretty safe bet it is mostly men cause you don't hear men worrying so much about women spying on them when they go toilet). So being a trans-woman in bathrooms is fraught with danger and you can't really win because you end up being perceived either as a gay guy, triggering a homophobic attack, or a man invading women's spaces.  

For a long time I looked like a rather gender queer male. I wore nail polish and had long hair while sporting some spiffy facial hair. It was not uncommon for me to get mistaken for a women from behind. On one occasion I went to the male bathroom at a movie theatre. I did my thing and was studiously washing my hands when in my periphery a guy walk in. He saw me from behind and to my amusement was visibly shocked. He went back out, checked the sign on the door, come back in and crab scuttled to the nearest stall. He slowly closed the door staring fearfully in my direction. Obviously having someone of the 'wrong gender' in a bathroom is cause for alarm.

I transitioned at my workplace where I had been for many years. In the beginning I was slowly shifting my wardrobe so that some days I would wear a dress and others I would go as a ‘guy’. On such days I would use the male bathrooms where I was greeted with silent looks of wide eyed horror. But when dressed as a woman I was not brave enough to use the female bathrooms even though in public I 'passed' as a woman. I felt like I was in limbo with a busting bladder.

Income inequality in New Zealand

In New Zealand, on average, women earn less than men.  We’ve known there was a problem with pay equity for as long as feminism has been a thing, and it doesn’t look like it’ll stop being a problem anytime soon.  The 2013 census reveals that on average New Zealand men have a median income 1.6 times that of women.  Most discussions I’ve seen about this pay gap tend to assume that women are paid less for doing the same work their male counterparts do, but in 21^st century New Zealand that isn’t entirely true.  In reality men and women don’t do the same work, and that is why we have a pay gap.

A lot of this income disparity occurs because women work less hours than men.  They’re more likely to be employed part time or not employed at all, because they’re more likely to spend their time taking care of kids.  As long as women are more likely to take time out of work to raise their families, women’s average income will be lower than that of men.  I  don’t presume to tell other people how to arrange their childcare, so I’m not going to discuss that aspect of the pay gap.  What I want to look at here is the type of work that men and women do.  Take a look at the following table, which comes from the 2013 census data available here:

Industry (ANZSIC06 division)	2013 Census
	Men	Women	Total
Agriculture, Forestry and Fishing	8.7%	4.6%	6.7%
Mining	0.5%	0.1%	0.3%
Manufacturing	13.3%	5.9%	9.8%
Electricity, Gas, Water and Waste Services	1.0%	0.4%	0.7%
Construction	13.1%	2.3%	8.0%
Wholesale Trade	6.2%	3.8%	5.0%
Retail Trade	8.3%	11.5%	9.8%
Accommodation and Food Services	4.6%	7.3%	5.8%
Transport, Postal and Warehousing	5.9%	2.5%	4.3%
Information Media and Telecommunications	1.9%	1.8%	1.8%
Financial and Insurance Services	3.2%	4.0%	3.6%
Rental, Hiring and Real Estate Services	2.6%	2.6%	2.6%
Professional, Scientific and Technical Services	9.0%	8.5%	8.7%
Administrative and Support Services	3.2%	3.6%	3.4%
Public Administration and Safety	5.2%	5.0%	5.1%
Education and Training	4.3%	12.8%	8.4%
Health Care and Social Assistance	3.5%	17.0%	10.0%
Arts and Recreation Services	1.8%	2.0%	1.9%
Other Services	3.9%	4.2%	4.0%

As you can see, the biggest employers for women are Retail Trade, Education and Training, and Healthcare and Social Assistance.  Women are much more likely than men to work in these areas.  Why?  Well, our culture considers these industries to be women’s work.  I think women often go into these industries because our culture tells them these are appropriate jobs for women, while men often avoid these industries because they aren’t considered appropriate work for men.  Compare this with the figures for the Manufacturing and Construction industries, which are the biggest employers for men and are widely perceived as “manly” industries. 

Unfortunately, the industries most likely to employ women are notorious for their low pay and lack of opportunities for career progression.  You may think Manufacturing and Construction aren’t overly lucrative either, but I’ve worked in Construction myself and can assure you it pays much better than teaching or working in a shop.

When my parents were leaving school, there was a pervasive social expectation that women who worked were only marking time until they got married and quit their jobs to raise a family.  Career progression and income potential were therefore not considered priorities for a girl choosing a career.  Boys were expected to think about such things though, because they were expected to earn enough to support a family.  The idealised nuclear family of the Baby Boomer-era sitcoms doesn’t really exist anymore (if it ever did), but I think these attitudes still get passed on to kids when the time comes to think about what they might like to do after they leave school.  That’s a problem.

Modern women expect to have careers, and most have to work anyway.  It’s a matter of financial necessity for most people regardless of gender.  So it’s just as important for women to think about pay and promotion opportunities as it is for men, and it’s important to encourage girls to consider these factors when they make career decisions.  If we really want to get serious about reducing gender based income disparity, we have to take a serious look at the messages we send kids about the kind of career they should aspire to.

Gender Identities

There are so many terms used by people who don’t fit the behavioural expectations of their ‘assigned birth sex’. I’m not sure if there is any other way of saying that without offending or excluding someone among the women born men, people with birth defects, people with trans history, Harry Benjamin syndrome, gender identity disorder, androgyne, genderfuck, gender queer, trans, trans-women, trans-men transsexual, cross-dressers, transvestites, drag queens, drag queens, transgendered…. almost every term is contentious in who and what it describes.

In my own writing I often use the term trans and transgendered to encompass anyone who does not fit the behavioural expectations of their assigned birth sex. I don’t expect people to accept this as a personal identity label, but I find it a useful catchall term. I do tend to slant this towards people that have or had some kind of gender dysphoria and generally exclude sexuality from this mix.  I include those who identify as having a trans history but are now for all intents and purposes cisgendered on account of their trans histories.

I personally love the word transsexual. It is a relatively new term for how I describe myself. It feels like a word of power and has a hefty weight of history and social expectation behind it. I think many people find it a little scary. I like the reaction I get. It is almost always favourable. There is the initial brain stutter, the eyes dilate a little and then comes the ‘wow!!!’.  It is like I have won a prize. It gives me instant street cred.

Relating to myself it means a person who was born one sex, but desired the body and genetalia of another and has transitioned in some way. Other people use it in other ways e.g.a person who has had genital reassignment surgery, a person who identifies as a gender on the other side of the binary from their birth sex regardless of whether they have transitioned or  a person that has been formally diagnosed as having Gender Identity Disorder or Gender Dysphoria.

I tend to keep my actual gender identity separated out of this as I don’t always identity as a woman. I'm not sure why that is. I’m the woman that’s not. It is a little bit of a minor conundrum. I wish there was recognition of people being non-binary gendered. 

What I want is to be able to say that "I'm a person with a female type body and female genitalia, who dresses and is called female pronouns. While lean towards a female gender identity I am not entirely comfortable being considered entirely female identified and feel that I am a step to the side of that". You could say I am gender queer. 

I wish there was a way for me to dress that would identify me as 'not quite woman'. Maybe I would be more comfortable as an alien, had pointy ears and fangs, or living in a foreign country. 

This conundrum does not cause me any particular distress...pointy ears sounds rather brilliant though! (note to self, don't think of this when manic...)

Sexism in Science Fiction and Fantasy

I love Science fiction and fantasy. It has always been an escape for me. Now that I have become much more aware of inequality and sexism, compared to say when I was a boy in my teens, I am noticing more and more that fantasy and sci-fi novels seem to swing from incredibly sexist to more ideal worlds where there is no sexism.

Often in older sci-fi and fantasy the sexism is there because it reflects the society of the writer at the time of writing. I try to be tolerant of that. But even so I am finding sexism in fiction a total turn-off for what would otherwise be incredibly enjoyable reads.

I just read one of Alan Dean fosters Flinx novels, The Tar-Aiym Krang. It is funny the Commonwealth government featured in the book is described as a progressive, well-intentioned liberal democracy when the level of sexism is rather appalling. Admittedly it was published in the early 70’s and I guess I can forgive it for that reason. It still makes for awkward reading. There are five ‘key’ female characters in the book (next to several male characters who are all equally heroic) – One is a concubine from a race of women who essentially are gold digging prostitutes. She throws tantrums and gets her shapely behind spanked. One is ‘affectionately’ called Mother Mastiff and she is called that despite understandably not liking being called a dog. There is an evil merchant with too much plastic surgery (ewwwww evil!!!) and her inept niece who has a bit part. Admittedly the merchant has a muscle bound male sex slave of small brain but their relationship is described as rather more unflattering than the guy and his concubine. The last is a pilot. The pilots only defining feature is that she is in love with the guy who has the concubine. The piolet and the concubine therefore share a strong cat like enmity of each other. They end up having a fight involving a lot of scratching and hair pulling and they manage to almost completely rip each other’s clothing off!! Phoar!

I think historical sexism in sci-fi and fantasy has created a lot of baggage for geek culture today. Sexism is still alive and kicking despite the fact that sci-fi and fantasy has often been used to push the boundaries of sexual and racial inequality e.g. Star Trek. Perhaps most blatant is the immerse worlds of computer gaming, particularly social gaming. 

The anonymity of the internet creates a forum for sexism to flourish with no consequence. Girl gamers get harassed in many different ways and games are often designed with male dominated worlds and women with overly sexualised bodies (the same goes for comics). In many games you still can only play them as a male character. It is easy to see how young men who spend a lot of time gaming on-line, who have comparatively little ‘real life social contact’, who are being fed a diet of women as objects for male gratification and women as not having the same power as men, are getting the wrong idea. As a result there is an on-line gamer communities which are actively hostile towards women. 

I think there is still a place for sexism in science fiction and fantasy, particularly if it is used as social commentary. Sexism is about power imbalance. My question now is can you have gender roles without power imbalance? Would gender roles exist if there was no power imbalance? I’m not sure they would. 

One example which might fit the bill is Game of Thrones where the women and men have rather strong gender roles. While the males tend to inherit overt power it is the women who seem to be the movers and shakers behind the scenes. Many of the characters transgress their roles. We have a mix of strong warrior women like Briana and soft pretty men like Little finger. But even so the gender roles in the books are based on the premise that women are there to make babies while the men hold all the power. This is one of those medieval fantasy tropes.