Gender Identities

There are so many terms used by people who don’t fit the behavioural expectations of their ‘assigned birth sex’. I’m not sure if there is any other way of saying that without offending or excluding someone among the women born men, people with birth defects, people with trans history, Harry Benjamin syndrome, gender identity disorder, androgyne, genderfuck, gender queer, trans, trans-women, trans-men transsexual, cross-dressers, transvestites, drag queens, drag queens, transgendered…. almost every term is contentious in who and what it describes.

In my own writing I often use the term trans and transgendered to encompass anyone who does not fit the behavioural expectations of their assigned birth sex. I don’t expect people to accept this as a personal identity label, but I find it a useful catchall term. I do tend to slant this towards people that have or had some kind of gender dysphoria and generally exclude sexuality from this mix.  I include those who identify as having a trans history but are now for all intents and purposes cisgendered on account of their trans histories.

I personally love the word transsexual. It is a relatively new term for how I describe myself. It feels like a word of power and has a hefty weight of history and social expectation behind it. I think many people find it a little scary. I like the reaction I get. It is almost always favourable. There is the initial brain stutter, the eyes dilate a little and then comes the ‘wow!!!’.  It is like I have won a prize. It gives me instant street cred.

Relating to myself it means a person who was born one sex, but desired the body and genetalia of another and has transitioned in some way. Other people use it in other ways e.g.a person who has had genital reassignment surgery, a person who identifies as a gender on the other side of the binary from their birth sex regardless of whether they have transitioned or  a person that has been formally diagnosed as having Gender Identity Disorder or Gender Dysphoria.

I tend to keep my actual gender identity separated out of this as I don’t always identity as a woman. I'm not sure why that is. I’m the woman that’s not. It is a little bit of a minor conundrum. I wish there was recognition of people being non-binary gendered. 

What I want is to be able to say that "I'm a person with a female type body and female genitalia, who dresses and is called female pronouns. While lean towards a female gender identity I am not entirely comfortable being considered entirely female identified and feel that I am a step to the side of that". You could say I am gender queer. 

I wish there was a way for me to dress that would identify me as 'not quite woman'. Maybe I would be more comfortable as an alien, had pointy ears and fangs, or living in a foreign country. 

This conundrum does not cause me any particular distress...pointy ears sounds rather brilliant though! (note to self, don't think of this when manic...)