My first reaction was essentially no this is misogynistic bullshit and you should be loud and take up space and make noise.
But then I got to thinking about how actually perhaps it just might impact on someone passing - at least in the sense of not drawing notice, and I think it is a totally valid thing to want to go unnoticed as a trans person. And then I reflected on my own journey and how I used to study this kind of stuff. Things like the way women talk in a 'sing song', how you walk, arm carrying angle that kind of stuff. But at some point I stopped bothering about it and got on with my life.
It was then it dawned on me that in the end this kind of thing had very little real relevance to me in expressing my own gender. But I think this is mostly because this kind of thing is not as relevant to the society I live in. Absolutely there is gendered behaviour in my country and there are some extreme pockets, but it is far less pronounced than in the States. Even linguistically our use of English by men and women is much less gendered than American English.
I was once skyping with a friend who lives in the states, when at one point I had a quick conversation over my shoulder to my flat mate. I turned back and my friend commented that they heard me talking like a guy. But actually what I think they heard was me talking as someone in the English of my own country, with it's less pronounced gender difference in tone, modulation, word choice etc...
So it all got me thinking about how when I go on-line, the resources for transitioning English speaking trans women is pretty overwhelmingly American. And I think it infects the thinking of other English speaking trans women. We end up worrying about things they don't actually need to worry so much about in the context of their own country. In fact I think it would be counter productive to subscribe to things such as what was described in the above article. Do all that stuff in the place where I am from and you will stick out like a red flag that says "look at me I'm acting unnatural!!!"
Even so the article still infuriates me because it is still all based on such a misogynistic way of thinking. It's like we are socialised as men to see women a certain way, and so when we become women we assume we have to fit that image to be accepted, to feel totally woman, to be woman. It is like we buy into that shit harder than anyone else and attempt to socialise each other extensively in this behaviour. And then there are smug validity brownie points if you can interject that it all came 'natural' to you (I've done it in the past) which impacts on feelings of validity for other trans people who don't feel it came as 'naturally' (and I've also kind of done it above with a superior "I stopped bothering about it and got on with my life").
I don't want to get going about the idea this stuff comes 'natural' right now. But perhaps next time.
Lost my comment after clicking the link for the article. :(
ReplyDeleteThe things I dislike most about the article are:
1) that it teaches trans-men to be selfish dickwads and take up room on a bus or train at the expense of other people.
2) that it teaches people that there are inborn gendered behaviours
No wonder feminists get annoyed with trans people who like to write this kind of stuff. If I were born a woman and spent my life trying to fight the kind of stereotype that there are natural inborn ways for the sexes to act, I'd get pissed off with them.
That reminds me, I was once told in Australia by a trans woman that I would have to stop saying "pissed off" because it wasn't ladylike. In the end I heard three different girlfriends use it, and decided that the trans woman was (to use a most unladylike expression) talking shit.
I won't say that things came naturally to me, more that it felt good not to have to care about it any more. Learning not to swear or call people dickwads hasn't come "naturally" to me yet.
Love the way you tackle, from a personal and thought out perspective, the way gendered norms are reinforced to uphold an often patriarchal system.
ReplyDeleteHow this policing is both external and internal and how even where these norms are less rigid we are still affected by the messages that bombard us.
It can be so difficult to dismantle these norms, that often suppress women's occupation of public space in comparison to men's, as challenges both voiced and unvoiced can be met with hostility. In fact sometimes even getting to this point is leap when behaviour patterns are just accepted.
For this reason blog posts such as this are awesomely important in getting another lens out there. :)
I love the Urban Renewal Trust Library!!!!
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